Hi my name is Sandi, and this is my
personal WLS Journal.
I am writing this because by reading what other
people had written was a big part of my decision
to go ahead with the surgery. I hope you find this helpful.
I will try to be as honest, blunt, and direct as possible.
It is in order according to month
My surgery was 12/9/99
AUGUST 1999
Well I turned 30 last month, and I swore I wouldn't do it as a FAT
person
guess what, I did, and I was crushed. I have fought with my weight most
of my life, tried every diet known to mankind, but unlike a lot of stories
I have read, I have never "lost it all" and then regained it, I usually lose
25lbs at the most and regain atleast 40. I was "skinny" once, when
I was 18 I did horrible things to my body to get into my wedding
dress. I was under 120 on my wedding day, 1 year later, I was
9 months pregnant and weighed 210. After my first child
I went down to around 180, After my second child I did the same
Then I got the Noraplant, it was wonderful, it worked and
I had NO side effects, other than I gained slowly but surely
atleast 15 lbs a year. This doesn't seem like much but it
adds up. In 1997 I got my noraplant removed, and got
the depranovara shot. That was HORRIBLE, I was sick as
dog every single day for 3 months straight, emotional rollercoaster
and gained over 20 lbs. That I can't seem to take off.
I lost my grandfather this month, he was my hero, I flew to MI
and saw all of my family, it sunk in that I came from a genetically
predisposed obese background. When I got home I looked
over pictures from the other side of my family, and those
women were all huge also. I have to make a change.
SEPTEMBER 1999
9/5/99 Today I actually got on the computer went to altavista and
typed in weight+loss+surgery. I read every page listed. I haven't
said anything to anyone.
9/6/99 Today I went thru the faces of weight loss web ring
I read about 50 different web sites, of people who had the surgery
there are different types and I am keeping a log of the types and
the problems and results. What is this dumping, I have to find
a place with answers to the questions.
9/7/99 Ok my husband and kids are wondering what I am doing
I am spending about 9 hours a day researching this stuff, I found a site
that lists surgeons that are on a board for this, the www.asbs.org
site
I found 1 here right by my house, and called them they don't accept
my insurance, but there is one in New Orleans, and they do, I called
and asked them to mail me some information. They also took my
insurance information. I found out what BMI means, it's body
mass index, alot of companies go by this I found a calculator
for bmi on the www.asbs.org site. Today I emailed
about 50
people who were on the internet as post op wls I can't wait to
hear back from them I asked if they would share their stories.
9/8/99 OMG, ok, the wls clinic called I am pre approved
I can't believe that..... From what I have read insurance is the
biggest battle. I called my med apt, center, and set up an appt with
my PCM (personal care manager) for a baratric referral, the girl
who took the call didn't even know what it was LOL, I feel so smart.
My referral apt is 9/20/99 I hope I get a referral.
I called my insurance and asked if they covered it, they said no, I talked
to a supervisor and they said yes they do, but there is strict requirements.
I found someone who was post op and military, (like me) and asked them
how the insurance worked for them, they sent me a copy of the policy.
It looks like I fit the criteria. But I am worried that I may be border-line
for my insurance, Since I don't have obesity co-morbidity, I have to
be 200 % over my ideal weight, so if my ideal (haha) weight is 125
I have to weigh 250, well I am borderline, so I am NOT dieting
for the first time in my life LOL, and it's spectacular.
9/9/99 I heard back from about 40 of my emails and sent out about 50
more requests today to post op people, and I found a great site,
www.obesityhelp.com wow, they have a question and
answer
section that answers everything ever thought of and some things
I would have never heard of. They have a chat area that rocks
they even have DR's that come in to chat and answer questions.
Everyone seems so nice. Eating everything in site is actually
a chore. Today I discussed it with my husband, he was so
upset, he said I don't' need it, I am not fat, what a sweetie, I know
I am fat, he just doesn't see it. He is Mr. Logic, I refer to him as the
guru because he knows everything. I expect him to do as usual
jump on the puter and research the hell out of it. He doesn't
he appears worried. It's not the reaction I wanted.
9/10/99 I have gotten so much mail that I had to make a
different mail box just for my wls mail, wow, over 200 emails
now regarding that. I got a couple phone numbers and I may
call some of them I really want to talk to some people that
have been there and done that. I wrote to 2 people and
asked them how to help my hubby understand. Wow he got
5 emails explaining exactly how I always feel, and how their
lives have changed so much. He asked for mortality stats
I got them for him and he still is too worried to talk to me.
9/11/99 I found 2 people on the internet who are in my area
and post op, I called 1, the other had a bad email address
she used a different Dr, and seemed really busy. I am
spending a lot of time on this subject atleast 10 hrs a day.
I am gonna do it. Now I just have to wait and get approved.
9/13/99 How exciting, we got a lil group together, there is 4 of
us
Jill in IN, Jan in AL, Cheryl in GA and me, we are all each others
angels. Cheryl is first in line for surg, her's is 9/21 and she is going
to Peniscola FL. Jill is set for 10/15 in Ann Arbor MI, and Jan is
waiting on a surg date, and I am waiting for my referral appt.
I am so far behind everyone. LOL, since we are all angels
I said we were a flock, the SE flock the WLS SE flock,
even though not everyone is from the SE. I made us a chat
it's at http://www.gcisnet.net/wls/fc.html
since only the 4 of us know about it right now there's hardly
every anyone there but we can tell each other to meet there if
we need to meet there, for private or group talks.
9/14/99 I sent out our first group email, that was fun
I really enjoy being in a group that way we can support
each other, with 4 of us, there will be some up and some
down and that way we can all help each other. Still chatting
9/19/99 I cried so much today, I am so worried that my PCM
wont give me a referral, my husband retires in 10 months, if I don't'
get it now, I am afraid that I will never get it due to insurance.
I also heard that I have to do a ton of other stuff also, like a phys eval
consult, support group and physical, with the military that alone
could take 6 months, they are so slow. UGH I am so stressed out.
Luckily Jill and I call each other and talk each other down when one
of us is "overthinking". Cheryl left for Pensacola she didn't call
today
I was supposed to drive over to meet her, it's about 1 1/2 hours from
my house, but I never heard from her. Her pre op is tomorrow at the
same time as my referral appt.
9/20/99 YEAH I GOT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was worried, she was against it at first, but I took in family pics of
all the women on both sides of my family, I also took in the
information packet I received in the mail from the WLS clinic.
I am glad I knew what I was talking about when I went in or I
don't think I would have gotten the referral, now it will take 10
days for me to get the written referral, then I can call the wls clinic
and set up the appt. I already scheduled the required support
group meeting, it's on the 9/28/99 and my hubby's going with me.
Cheryl called, she is excited and ready, not nervous, tomorrow is
her day to start a new life WOW how exciting. Jan got her date
it's 9/28/99 the same day as my support meeting, isn't that
weird Cheryl on my referral date, and Jan on my support date.
Maybe it's a good sign and me and Jill will have surg the same
day or something LOL. The flock was a great idea, and has
pulled me thru, it sound silly but it helps me having to do something
everyday that has to do with wls, and helping others.
9/22/99 someone new joined our lil group her name is triz,
Cheryl had her surgery and is recovering, she is in a LOT of pain
but doing ok. I am getting worried that my surg will be around the holidays.
This wont work, there is like a 2-4 week down time, and my sons b-day is
10/21, so that rules out 10/15-1031, then thanksgiving (no big deal really)
but I was supposed to go to MI for Christmas for the first time in forever,
I don't want to be tooo sore for the trip so it has to be prior to 11/20
I am really nervous about telling anyone, I think my sister
Shannan will be the first.
9/24/99 I revised my page, and it was hard, I have never posted FAT
pictures of myself anywhere before, and it was rough. I always
know what angle and what lite to use to look thinner, but I had to pull out
the bad ones cause I want to be fair. I hope I get my referral letter soon.
I think will all the talk about my weight it has come more apparent to
my hubby just how big I am, he is starting to compare my weight to others
we know, I nor he never realized I am just about the largest person
we actually know or socialize with. WOW how depressing is that.
He is starting to lighten up a bit, making jokes about the surg and stuff
He said he is supportive of me in anything I do and it's my choice but he is
concerned for my health and safety. I am really set on going for this,
I know I want the gastric bypass, that's the one that I feel will work
the best for me. But now I am considering the LAP instead of open
procedure, my Dr is interviewing candidates for it, but I don't' know
longer under, but shorter recovery, more chance of it not working
but no scar, no I only want to do this once, and I don't want to
be under to long I think I will go with the open rny, with bypass.
YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES
I can not begin to describe my excitement. The wls clinic called
they have already received my referral. WOW 4 days,
I officially take back every bad thing I said about military red tape
LOL. My consult with my wls is Tuesday 9/28, that's
Jans surgery date from the flock, wow..........
9/26/99 Jill and I both came up with an idea at the same time
we want to create an information an support center for wls
where everyone can get a good jumping board and fall into
a support group without any hesitation. We worked all day
we have 2 chats, and guess what it's up and running
www.gcisnet.net/wls I hope it helps people
with
support and information. Doing this has helped me so
very much, I hope I can return the favor.
9/28/99 OMG, I love my Dr, Dr Mando, here's the link
to his page http://sites.netscape.net/wmando
and here's the
link to the Surgi lite clinics ( now Renew) page http://sites.netscape.net/wmando/renew
awesome man, really impressed the tar outa me and the hubby
and we are tuff cookies to impress when it comes to the medical field
LOL. He was wonderful answered everyone of my questions without
hesitation and was so personable. Then we went to the mandatory support
group meeting, it's all the way in Louisiana just like the clinic, wow
long drive so we stayed all day. I met Dr, O'connell there, he and
Dr Mando work as a team on each and every patient, they were both
great men. I have to go ack for nutritional counseling, tons of testing
and a psych evail, they require this of everyone, they want to make
sure that the obesity isn't a mental disability, and that you are
stable enough to handle the change. The nutritional help class
is to prepare you for your new life. One of the questions he asked was
do I have a problem with my sleep, I said I don't have a problem
with it but others do. My hubby spoke up and said I snore terribly
and it has gotten worse the last couple of years. He also said sometimes its
a long long time between my breaths, like once he counted to 30 and
then I startled and started breathing again, Dr Mando jumped on that
right away. He said I will spend my first nite after surg in ICU, to make
sure I don't have any breathing problems. He also said that is the sign
of sleep apnea, and from now on, make sure all my DR's look into it.
The support group was awesome, aprox 35-45 pre and post op
people, alot of questions about recovery and food habits.
One man there was over 500 and in 2 years is down to normal
it literally saved his life. wow, you read about people like that
on the net but to actually meet one totally moves you. He came to
his first meeting with 3 people assisting and on oxygen. Tonight
he was up and jumping around the meeting. It was very inspirational.
I signed up for the phone exchange, gave my number and the URL to
our flock of angels wls support center page. I got home and
caaaaa bammm, there was an email from Dr Mando, he
had already looked at our site, and sent me an email. That is
so cool. When I asked how long between now and surgery
he said 6 weeks, I must admit I was a bit disappointed, ok
a lot disappointed, I mean if it would have been 6 weeks
from the day I considered it ok, but I mean I have known
that it's for me for weeks now, and this is gonna be a
really LOOOOOONG 6 weeks. he explained this gives
time for the testing and plus they make it a long period to
make sure people are ready, they don't want you walking
in from the street on a spur of the moment and going
under the knife. So I guess once again it is in my best interest.
Well I am off to bed. If I can even sleep. LOL I guess now
I just wait for the clinic to call me and schedule my next appt.
I don't know which will be first, the day of testing, which
we will try to combine with the day of nutritional class
(so I don't have to make 2 trips) or the phsyc evail,
we will have to pay for that out of pocket, it will be
$150.00 and takes a couple hours. Wish me luck LOL.
OCTOBER 1999
Oct 4, Well everyone keeps asking when is your date have
you heard
anything and my answer is no date and no I haven't heard seems like
it's been forever but it has only been 1-1/2 weeks. They said it would
take around 6 till surgery. I thought I would have heard something by
now, but nothing. Maybe I am just to anxious. Well the new site is keeping
me way busier than I ever though. I am spending 6-10 hrs a day on it
I keep asking the people that if they have the time to volunteer
they are no different than, me just someone going thru wls who wants
to receive and give support. I know that people will catch on. Jill and I
stay so busy, but it's nice that we have become so close she is so easy
to be friends with, I am so lucky I found her early in my search. I keep saying
tomorrow I will call the wls clinic and ask what's taking so long is there
I can do while I wait. But I asked that before we left on the 9/28 consult
and they told me no just wait. So here I sit waiting. I am getting a
little bit depressed from just sitting here. I think if I wouldn't have
made up my mind before I went then the wait wouldn't' be so bad.
Trying to sell me sister house is luckily keeping me a
bit busy,
I would trade it all for her to be here with me.
10/13- Well I haven't been on line in like 5 days, (that's
very long)
for me, usually every day and all day. Everything in my life is
soon busy right now. Selling my sisters house.
My sons birthday
trying to catch up on all the work I ignored while I was on the computer
10 hours a day for 3 weeks doing the flock site. I have to testify for
an old client who is suing the county. ARG. On top of that I really
do believe I have been depressed for atleast a week. Jill even called
and asked where the HELL have I been, no morning email not showing
up for the scheduled chats, not on instant messenger nothing. Talking
to her was better but I didn't' really tell her how I am feeling, she has surgery
in 2 days and really needs me NOW, and here I am falling apart. I got
a stinking letter from the wls clinic, telling me that while I wait for the
insurance approval I should go to support meetings, and pay $150.00
to get the phsyc eval. Well I asked if there was anything I could do
they said no, now they send a letter telling me to do stuff. ARG. Should
I pay the $150.00 out of pocket and then wait to find out if I am approved>
Money is soon tight around here this time of year, kids get winter
clothes, 4 birthdays, and the holidays around the corner. I don't know
I probably wont be able to swing it until 11/1, I guess I should just go
ahead and call over there and get an appt around that date.
Another reason I believe I got a little depressed is the Flock of Angels
site, I received 2- negative letters right after an argument with my
husbands about me staying up everynight till 3am to get everything posted
he said no one cares Sandi, I said yes they do, they I checked the email and
had 2 nasty grams. So I blew it all off and haven't really been back on that
much, I did send out an email telling people to let me know if they wanted
off the list, but I got so many responses it was unreal, everyone loves
and needs it. So I guess that should be inspiration, Now I feel like crap
for sending out a letter that may have made some people offended.
Guess I can't win. Also something weird has happened, since I decided
to have the wls, I have started seeing myself as a FAT person instead of
me. Now I don't want to go out in public until after my surg, I don't want
to meet another person while I am FAT. My husband thinks I am slap
nuts. LOL. I told my sister Shannan, (in Las Vegas)
and she laughed
she said honey go out and enjoy being robust cause soon you wont be
revel in it. I took her words to heart and I feel much better about it all
now. Also my husband is working on the flock site, he is going to make
it data base driven, where when someone submits something it is
automatically loaded onto the site instead of me sitting here typing all
that info all day long every day. That should definitely make it a better
situation so I guess things are looking up. Until next time ---see ya !
10/28/99 Today I called to check on my insurance approval, my
insurance said they never
received a letter from the WLS DR I called them ASAP and told them to handle it now, I
have
been waiting this whole time for nothing ?????????? ARG I can't take this it is so
overbearing and stressful, to them I am paperwork to me it is my life!!! We are hoping
to fly to MI for Christmas but I don't wanna be too close after surgery so all of our
plans are on hold, very unhappy right now.
NOVEMBER 1999
NOV 1, 1999- Today I drove to New Orleans for my required
phsyc evail. LOL what a hoot.
Anyone nervous about an upcoming phsyc evail mail me for the details. I want to say it was
567
True and False questions that had nothing to do with weight, followed by a 250 oral
question test.
I was there for several hours, most of my time was spent waiting, they said that I would
have
my results in less than 14 days, but since I am waiting on my final approval they should
both
come in around the same time.
*******************NOV 1 LATER THAT DAY********************
The WLS called as soon as I walked in the door, they have my approval WOOOO HOOOOO
Can you believe it, I guess my stressing how unhappy with them I was got the job done??
Now
in just 2 weeks I can set a date, because now I have to wait for the phsyc evail.
NOV 12, 1999 - Well it's the Friday before the 14th, so that
means its around time
to get my phsyc evail back, called WLS office and they said it wasn't in yet and several
were late and that I might want to call the Phsyc Dr. and check, called over there and
she is on vacation, well geez she coulda finished up her work before she left huh?I
left a msg for her to call me on Monday which will be the 15th.
NOV 15, 1999 well no calls, and it was 430pm, so I
called the wls Dr to make sure it
didn't come in and nope infact some were taking 5 weeks, ARG, they said within 14 days,
so I called the Phsyc Dr and the receptionist told me to leave a msg LOL we kinda had
a personality conflict but I think I got my point across, she hung up on me in the end but
I already paid them so they can do the job, or give my money back. I know I sound like a
meany
but if I went to a mechanic and paid in advance and they didn't' do the work or a
restaurant
and paid upfront and didn't get food I would treat them the same way, I don't care what
profession it is I expect the oral contract to be followed, I hold up my end and pay and
they should
hold up their end if they can't, there are other DR's out there, this isn't little house
on the prairie.
NOV 17, 1999, Well no call and it's 430 so I call the WLS
office, to make sure they haven't
received it already before I COMPLETELY GO OFF ON THIS PHSYC EVAIL CHICK!
Guess what they have it, it was phoned over, LOL, they heard about our argument, and it
was phoned over, but the receptionist wont tell me the answer she is going to have the DR
call
me, YIKES, is this a bad thing, maybe you shouldn't go off on the people who decide if
your nuts?
Dr O'Connelle (my WLS Dr) calls, LOL, I am approved and ready to go, he said the office
manger would call me and set up all my dates for pre op nutrition and surg and to expect
the
call within 5 days LOL, he said he heard I don't like to wait for people. He has a great
sense of
humor and he's Irish that means he gets 2 extra points in my book.
NOV 18, 1999- Beth the office mng at WLS clinic called, the
earliest date they
have was Dec 9, what a hard choice, I wanted soooo bad to see my family for Christmas
and I have to fly and drag the kids, I can't do it, so I scheduled it for January 3 2000,
I am crying
I have waited soo long and don't want to wait anymore, but my family is very very
important to me, it is what is best for all.
My husband came home from work and couldn't' believe I put off the surgery, he is so
behind me
now and can not believe I did that, he said if I had it in Dec he would be off work alot
due
to the holidays and could be with me more, and help me recover. I called to make the
flight
plans and my mother and grandmother were sooo upset about me putting the surgery off
I am sooo lucky my family is behind me, (atleast the ones I have told) After about 4 hours
of deliberation it was decided that the entire family will get together in April for
spring break,
instead of Christmas and I should call and try to get a Dec Date !!! I wont do it in Dec
if
it's after the 15th, because I want to feel good enough to enjoy Christmas, I know
I wont be doing any jumping jacks but I don't want to be asleep from pain pills on the
couch while the kids open the presents, so I am dead set on that, prior to the 15th the
earlier
the better!
NOV 19, 1999 - Called Beth back, geez I know they think I am
nuts, I told her we changed
our vacation plans and would like to try an early Dec date, and she still had the 9th open
woo hoo, I took it, so my pre op is Nov 29th, and my surg Dec 9th, I can't believe it I
finally
have a date, I have been dateless for so long geez I don't' know what to do.
NOV 20, 1999 - I am scared. I don't know why, this whole time
it's like I have been fighting
and planning and keeping busy with the Flock of Angels, and now I have a date and it's
soon and
I am terrified. I have been having nuro problems with my right arm and hand again,
it comes and
goes, but when it's here it has a grip on my life, so I haven't been able to type to much
or
do too much with the flock lately, Jill has had to handle it and I sit around
thinking. I have so
much to get done. I have a ton of work (atleast 5 weeks worth) that I have to get done
on the computer plus get the house spotless, plus get everything done for thanksgiving,
(my last
one I am going to scarf down everything I can find) and I want Christmas to be DONE,
completely
prior to my surgery otherwise it wont get done, if I am not in great shape after surgery,
and this
can not lesson my kids holidays in any way. Unfortunately money is standing in the way of
me
following thru with these plans, LOL, our pay is on the 1st and 15th, like every military
family in the world, and so there is no way I can get everything for Christmas done before
the
15th, OMG what am I going to do? I am a serious bargain shopper there is no one for me to
hand this duty over to. YIKES !!! Also I am making a quilt for my niece Maggie and a
quilt for my brand new nephew Jacey. Now I have never made a quilt and don't sew much,
infact I have only sewn 2 pillows and 4 curtains before and that was years ago, add to
this
that I am not using a pattern, but I want you to know that the quilts look marvelous, If shannan
were here I would feel better about this quilt situation she can sew beautifully I
know
the fear that I have will only get worse, I actually thought today, OMG what if I die,
from this
and my poor kids wouldn't ever have a normal Christmas or a mom again. that was a harsh
thought. It's just really set in I guess, that this is for real, Now I HAVE TO QUIT
SMOKING
geez what's my problem, now that I am more nervous than ever I have to quit and can't,
yikes, will
try alot harder, and will get it done. Till next time. See ya
PRE-OP NOV 29, 1999 Well I can say it was one of the longest
days of my life, they
scheduled it so that everything I needed to finish up would be done in one day, and it
was.
I had pre admitting paperwork, blood test, urine test, chest xrays, pulminary tests, an
ekg,
and a meeting with the anthesisologist. followed by nutrition classes. social worker
meeting
and a group meeting with the nurse. Then to meet the surgeon again. It was a long day, but
I felt so secure, my fear actually wained today, I felt so much more informed than the
other
people in the group, several of them had did very little to no research, they had just
been to
the surgeon and read the phamplets, they really had no clue as to what to expect, well I
researched
and do the support groups and have the Flock of
Angels weight loss surgery group, They
said nothing that shocked me, infact I was able to illaberate on some things they said for
the
group. Being really well informed has really helped me make it thru this. My surgery
is
scheduled for 730am on Dec 9th. I have to be there 2 hours early which means 530am, so
we will be leaving our house around 230 or 3 am on the day of surgery. The child care
thing
is a big issue, we are still working out the details, I want to get all my work done, my
house
spotless, the christmas decorations up, and all my christmas shopping done, because if I
am feeling punny after surgery I don't want it to affect my kids christmas. This is a
pretty
major stressor right now, but I am sure it will all work out. We are not sure or not
if
I will have 1 night in ICU it is a definate possibility, also, I will not know if I still
have
a gallbladder or spleen until I wake up, these are the 2 common things that are removed
if there are any problems. I don't mind the gall bladder, infact with all I have read
about
wls I would prefer it is removed now instead of going back under the knife in a year.
I'm not sure really what the spleen is for but I wouldn't mind keeping it, if it's not
hurting
I would like it left alone. One scary thing is when I was doing the admit work, they
asked
if I had a living will, I said no, they asked if I wanted help making one. I told them no
infact in the event anything should happen I want them to pull out all the stops to save
me.
I know some people say don't keep me hooked up or if I am going let me go, well not me
I have too much to stay here for, especially my kiddos, I'm not saying I want to be
a vegitable hooked to lifesupport for 5 or 6 yrs, I am saying do whatever is possible.
Gosh sorry I guess I got on a tangent there huh, didn't mean to, I just had to share
my feelings and if you have read this far, you might kinda know me a little by now.
I do feel alone right now. I have the whole flock, there are so many wonderful
people, and Jill called me for the first time in a long time. We haven't been
that close since her surgery she hasn't been feeling to great and has made new post
op friends that she has more in common with right now. I completely understand that
Today was soo good to hear from her, I really needed that, it's probably crazy pre op
emotions or somthing but I feel like I am all alone in the world, or that I have to be
some leader
or somthing, for everyone in the group, I am trying to be strong and knowledgable and
get all the updates done, and the newsletters, I just want to curl up on my couch and
have friends watch tv with me, or read with me, or just talk with me, but I guess it's a
good
thing that they keep me so busy, it's my coping measure I guess. My husband is scared
ofcourse, but he is supportive. I really wish that my sister
was here with me,
maybe she can make it down for the surgery what a relief it would be
beacuse if somthing happened she would handle everything.OH yeah, I have somthing funny
to say, the other day my long time friend came over and he has a poloroid I made
him get it out of the car, and made my hubby take
nude pics of me for my before surgery pics, they will NOT ever be posted on the internet
or shared with anyone, I just know that as I loose and examine my body in the mirror and
on the scales everyday I may not see the differance, so I thought if I took those, front,
side, and back then a couple months post op I could take another set and compare them,
and that it would make it easier for me to be objective about my weight loss. I will
be
taking clothed pre op pics, and then posting them on this site, and plan to take pics
every month
after that. Everyone that I know post op is doing so well, and that's a lot of people, I
am so
proud of everyone it is simply unbelievable. I can't wait to join them in the victory
against
fat. My surgeon has one of the toughest routines around, and I have compared alot of notes
but he has such a high sucess rate for long term, and that doesn't mean somone going from
350 to
200 he measures sucess being within 25lb of your ideal wieght, to me that's sucess. Some
Dr's feel that if you are 400 you should have a goal around 225, I am not a dr
but I know I was 225 for a couple years, and yes it was a heck of alot better than
weighing more
but it was far from sucess. I just want everyone to get down to where they are not
considered
morbidly obese, and I hope I am one of them. I intend to work my tail off to get there. I
am
kissing some of my favorite foods goodbye, almost like loosing a friend, but it's not hard
yet
I will eat somthing and say well that's the last time for that, bye bye. and smile, I want
to say
good bye to those things, I don't just want it to hit me one day post op that I wont ever
have that
cross my lips again, and become depressed or mournfull for that food, I know if your not
obese
and your reading that you may laugh, but I love food, I love the taste the texture, and
like
anything you love that you wont see again, you say good bye. So that's what I have been
doing, it is very common for post ops to become depressed, or have strong mental hunger
I am pre planning and trying to ease that by doing this now. I made a list of my favorite
foods
and 1 by 1 I am knocking the list down. including calling my grandmother up in MI,
and
having her bake me the traditional things she has cooked since I was a little girl, I told
her
to make sure it gets here by no later than the 6th so I can eat them on the 7th, I want
my most cherised food memory to be my last, and that's her holiday sweets that the family
always shared and even faught over. When it comes to post op depression I think my
biggest touchy area, will be friends, I have so many, but none are close, what I mean
by that, is my best childhood friend TAE, well she lives close, and I see her when we get
together
we talk on the phone somtimes everyday somtimes not for weeks on end, we have differant
lives, and she is forever busy. We have been friends since we were 10 yrs old,
so its ok.
My high school best friend is in FL over 8 hrs away, we talk on the phone maybe 6 times
a year, and I visit that area 1x a year, she is a single mom now, and is very busy. My sister
Shannan. well we are so alike, we are not blood related,
but we definately so much alike
in our fiberous make up, our children all love each other as siblings, and I adore her
family including her hubby Jason who is like my brother, I lost her in July right before
my 30th birthday and right before I decided to do this surgery, it was like a part of my
family
was ripped away, he was transfered to a casino in Las Vegas, due to both of our finances
we
haven't seen each other since, but she is always there, by phone, on the computer, she
even tried
to get a flight here so she could watch the kids for my surgery, but details couldnt' be
worked
out, as far as family, my brothers are far away, and we have neve visted each other in
adulthood
my mother and grand mother live in MI, my father lives here, and stays way too busy
for me to keep up with. I just don't want to feel alone when this is over, or when I
am
recovering. My hubby will be here, for the most part, and he is supportive, and ofcourse
my kids will be here, and they are a handful, so how could I be alone huh??
Well another tangent very well LOL, I don't know what this all has to do with wls, it's
just
me I guess, but incase anyone else out there feels like this I want them to know they are
not alone, weird maybe LOL but not alone. I don't know if I will write again before
my surgery
I have sooo much to get done, and so little time. I plan to have my hubby write down
a
little in a notebook everyday in the hospital for me so when I get back I can fill
everyone in.
To all of you out there, thanks for caring, thanks for the support, and see ya soon.
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